2026-06-27
I remember the days I used to wonder about how I would die.
The intrusive thoughts came to me like someone was poking a needle through my cerebral cortex to sew a shape onto it that I didn’t even want to be there.
As if I was the vampire thirsty for my own blood.
Desperate to see it dripping from my body out of the scratches on my skin that I made.
Wondering when I would actually cut up my whole arm like a carrot I was going to put in the stew I was making for dinner.
As if my body was a puppet being controlled by some drunk maniac who was as unpredictable as Dutch weather.
They would make the rain come even when I didn’t have my raincoat with me.
I remember the day I sat on that one bench, and you called the rain.
Scared I was going to freeze to death, I sat quietly with no urge to leave.
Like I had looked in the eyes of Medusa and my body had turned into a statue, unable to move.
I just didn’t know what to do.